calm down...have a cupcake

a pearl

2010-05-28T07:16:00.001-07:00

I had a pearl come into my life. Was scared to love that pearl and so was it. But I took a shot and gave it my all. Im happy that you push me to be better in life. Glad to know that you love me for who iam. Love me for being a dork and making you laugh. But dear pearl, i want you to be strong to. Knowing that your love will always be hear makes me strong too. Knowing that you want me aorund yet, scared to do something wrong makes me want to never give up on us. I hate to write this down but this is how i feel for you my pearl. I never knew a love like this till you. An amazing peal who never let me down nor was mean to me. Because of you I knwo love myself for who iam. Knowing that I could spend my life with you makes me smile because i wouldnt want it any other way. I know you are going though some tough thoughts and issues my pearl. But im hear for you. I dont mean to hate you as you push me away. I just know your looking out for me and i love you for that. Not a day passes by when i dont pray that your days get better and that you are doing well. I cant wait for the day when i get to call you mine again. Until then I will remember our time we spent with each other. Just remember my pearl i will always love you know matter what and im hear for you. I will be waiting for you because this is real love.

crazy little thing called love

2010-05-10T05:37:00.001-07:00

i blame Queen for getting that song stuck in my head for the past few days. Also, it's some what true. Love makes you do crazy stupid things. Like only sleep for 3 hours and so have brunch with your family then drive to SLO so you can get a anime show for them to make there week way better. Im only saying.. haha. I have also seen myself thinking before I eat anything. I question it. Something i have never done before. I think its because i now have someone in my life that cares about me and wants me around for a long ass time. Plus, I want to feel better about myself . I so need to get more sleep. I keep having lack of sleep and it starting to drain me. I hope i will get some good sleep today and for the rest of my work week.

what goes around ..comes around

2010-04-16T17:32:00.001-07:00

round 2... Im poud how i seem to handle my person life. I hate not knowing what will be around the corner. It scares me. But, i see that how i treat people will come back and bite me in my ass. I think its funny no matter how many time i tell myslef that im happy..im not. I mean i got a good job, kick ass place to give but no one to share the amazing things in my life.
Like i said .waiting. sounds easy but fuck. Its not. I have been wait a year. Then wham. started liking soem one . The kaboom! the shit hits the wall. This is what i get for questioning things in my life. I don't blame the other person. we all have things in our life that makes us have to stop and think about the people in our life. i, personal dont want to get fucked over again. I dont want to fall in love with this person then get walked out on. My gut says walk away, hell run nikole, run! but my heart is say to sit back and chill.

hello thursday

2010-04-08T13:38:00.001-07:00

I feel my week goes by so fast. I'm already about to have my Monday. This is why i hate having the middle of the week off. But the plus side is that I helps with school things. I had a kick in the ass the other day. I looked at myself and said i need a change. I have had people say that I'm a confident person. well, I'm not. I keep telling myself that I need to work on it but as of today I am. i do find my self pretty and sexy but i need to feel it. Its a change but a well needed one. Thank you all who have told me how wonderful and pretty I am. I plan to make major life changes for good.This is one that my top one!

26...

2010-04-07T19:16:00.001-07:00

I want to make this clear. I love to blog. I feel i cant vent and be able to say what i want. For my friends and love ones. Yes, i do use stories that may in clude you. Dont' worry i do not use names. Im not hear to hurt anyone or make anyone mad at me.

26.wow..I can't believe im that age. I getting closer to 30. Ouch..haha. Im willing to see that Im now just starting my life over. I have a great job, a new car, and im moving out. I think its funny that not long ago, i wanted a huge goal to be done by this age. Well, things didn't go to plan. I wanted to have things in my life done and starting a life with someone. A year has gone by and still..no one.Yet, people are getting married likes it's the new cool thing to do. I mean crap, my own grandmother has a boyfriend. haha. not that im trying.. i have had my ups and downs with some guys. Hell, some i consider friends. The others well.. i rather not say( A** Holes) My main thing is why does dating have to be on big game? Really.. i mean i think im a catch big time. The trick is to prove that guy across from you that you are. I (yes it's true) have read many realtionship books. I have this stupid voice that tells me that its all me, thats why your single. Then the light finally came on. Nope..nikole its not you. Its them. Im starting to see it as your loss guy's. I know its hard to sit down and get to know a girl without thinking if she looks good naked or if you will make out with her by the end of the night. haha you can tell i have been though dating hell. But i will leave my stories for another time.haha. I believe there is an amazing man out in the world for every single girl. The only thing is waiting. I know its a tough thing to do. Only because we want to plan and start out life with that person.But im gonna finally(yes ,denise) sit back and wait. Im not saying don't go on dates or talk to guys. What im saying is stop looking.Because all im gonna end up doing is feeling sad and not happy with the out come of it. well, i leave you all to think over what i have vented out.-Nikole

socks

2010-03-18T01:59:00.000-07:00

haha. yes socks. Just think it's funny how that one work can look like another word from far away. Thought I was going to get pissed drunk for St. paddy's day. I didn't. I spent the day with young flesh. Nothing wrong with that. I always thought how I would change my life if i had older friends than me. Telling me things in life that i must do because they never did. Now that I older now, I'm now thinking how I could change my own life. I never take risks. I seem to sit and watch them walk right by me. Then Im kicking myself. I had an eye opener in class on tuesday. we were talk about risks. How we fear them and never face them.
So, i was thinking about taking some risks. One would be to stop messing up my dating life and go with the flow. I seem to like to mess up a good thing with out thinking about it. Im now going to just let life run and stop trying to question my stupid thoughts about messing it up. Another one one of my risks is hights. I hate roller coasters. I cry like a little bitch. haha. Thats next on the list. wish me luck!

march 2010

2010-03-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

I find it sad to think that my birthday is less than 3 weeks away. Sadly last years birthday didn't go very well. No one likes to be left on their birthday. Thankfully this year I'm single and don't have to worry about it. ha. I try to find the humor of being single,. Kind of like laughing at someone who is hurt. You know it hurts but, you cant stop laughing like a jack ass. We all deal with being single in different ways. I have a friend who has to keep dating, I believe she goes thought men like socks. Thank god she got a wake up call and stuck with one.
I have a guy friend who is in the same situation as my self. You cant help to start thing if he is the one you have been waiting for. Then you snap back. Just like that. it still crosses my mind every time I see him or talk to him. I very much want to question out friendship. But, I let fear get in the way. We all learn to face our fears or hold on to them. Me, well I choose to hold on. Only because of the out come. We seem to play it safe with asking out a friend. I would like to be like ah what the hell, I'm gonna ask. But why ask when you know that person has plans for their life. Wanting to move back east, look for a different job, go back to school etc... We feel as if we tell them they may stop and re- think their plan. Who in the hell does this? who? Plans are meant to change. That's why life is fun and throw crazy things toward your way. Life keeps you on your toes for a reason. For you to enjoy it.

hello...2010

2010-01-15T18:48:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, yes. The start of a new year. Come to think of it, I seem to be repeating my self from the past year. Meet a guy, fall for him them slam.. life turns you another way. I'm happy that I had him in my life for two weeks. Yeah right. Who the hell am I kidding. It was like pulling teeth. I never met I guy who was so into school and this major. Don't get me wrong people. I'm fine that people take school to heart but gees, live a little.
So, I'm happy to say that I will be going back to school. Nothing to pass the time and the empty hole in my life than going back to school. This is going to be fun. I will be working and going to school. At least it will keep my mind off of being single. For the time being. I hope everyone had a good new year. I spent it asleep. sad but, that's life.